Executive Parking

This piece first appeared in March 5th, 2009 edition of the Pioneer Tribune, a weekly newspaper from Manistique, Michigan. Please visit their website: http://www.pioneertribune.com/

Most of us are under the assumption that in the parking lots of most retail stores there are two different types of parking spaces. There are the average parking spaces that typically make up the bulk of the lot, and then there are the handicapped parking spaces, which are usually closer to the entrance of the store, as they should be.

Oh sure, there are sometimes employee parking areas, but these usually aren’t marked as such and are located at the far reaches of the parking lot. Usually, the public at large is free to park in those spaces if they so desire.

There is one other type of unmarked parking space. This space is reserved for a select few individuals who are special beyond all human comprehension. These spaces are so exclusive that they aren’t even marked with lines and most people aren’t even aware of their existence. You can find these exclusive spaces hidden directly in front of, or very close to, the entrance of the store.

My good friend, Wayne Genghis, calls these invisible parking spaces “executive parking.”

The “executive parking” spaces are usually used by the privileged few who need to “just run in for a minute,” as if a short timeframe makes it okay to park in a place that is frequently marked “FIRE LANE, NO PARKING.”

Those privileged elite among us know that NO PARKING is secret code for IT’S OKAY FOR YOU TO PARK HERE, THOUGH. YOU’RE SPECIAL.

Occasionally, you may observe just a passenger getting out and running into the store, as if leaving the driver in the vehicle exempts them from a NO PARKING sign.

Now I know that sometimes people have a legitimate reason for parking near the entrance, like the need to load up some large or heavy object. At grocery stores and supermarkets, more often than not, I have observed the “executives” coming out with a six-pack of beer, a pack of cigarettes, or both. I don’t think that either of these items could be considered large or heavy, unless of course there have been several other six-pack stops in the day, and in that case I could see where it may be just plain difficult to walk across a parking lot. So if the “executive” is drunk, there is at least an excuse, albeit a poor one.

To me this is an illustration of the near pinnacle of laziness and selfishness. These “executives” are parking their vehicles closer to the door than many, if not all, of the handicapped spaces.

As the father of a handicapped child, I take exception to the people who park in these areas. I have a handicapped parking permit for my daughter, but the only time we use it is if there are no other spaces available or if the weather is so bad that my daughter would have great difficulty making it to the door if we parked anywhere else.

I am thankful to be able to walk from the farthest reaches of the largest parking lot to the doors of a store. I am thankful that I personally do not need special parking privileges. I am thankful that my daughter, even with her disability, can walk from most areas of a parking lot.

How dare the “executives” be so bold as to park their cars so close to the door when it is abundantly obvious that they could walk from anywhere in the parking lot. Perhaps they are making the statement that they in fact are handicapped, maybe in a way that is more debilitating than a physical handicap. I won’t insult the mentally handicapped by claiming the “executives” are such. No, that would be highly inaccurate. I can only say that the “executive” handicap is just plain stupidity, with a bit of greed thrown in for good measure.

I used to think that the only people who used “executive parking” were the societal low-lifes. The kind of people your mother warned you about. Most of those that I have observed parking this way certainly give the outward appearance of that type of person, but lately I have noticed a bit of a change in those using “executive parking.”

Just last week I witnessed a rather prominent and well-respected individual in the community using “executive parking” at a store somewhere in the Central Upper Peninsula. I won’t name names, but I do know that this person is capable of reading, and to this “executive” I say, shame on you. You know who you are.

The next time you are tempted to park by the door to run in “just for a minute,” please reconsider and be thankful that you don’t really need to park that close.

Parking where you are supposed to is just one more way we can work together to stamp out stupidity.